It's been almost two months (and what seems like a lifetime ago) since my last post! Needless to say, my whole world has changed! Ava Rose arrived on Saturday, October 30th at 4:29pm. She was 20.5 inches and 8 lbs 1oz:) She is byfar the sweetest little girl in the entire world!
The night before she was born, around 9pm, my water broke. R thought that maybe I was mistaken and that maybe I had just peed myself! Lol! I kept telling him that this was different, the leakiness wasn't stopping and it was nothing like that. Well, I finally convinced him about an hour or so later that it was the real deal and I got in the shower and we packed our hospital bags before heading off to L&D. Around 12:30am we checked in and waited in triage for an hour or so before a nurse confirmed that yes, my water had broken and that I was having contractions. The pitocin was ordered and I got my first dose around 3 in the morning. My mom arrived shortly thereafter, super excited and caffeinated:)
I was really excited too, but super scared. I was dreading the labor. I was so afraid of the pain of the contractions, but even after a few hours, that pain never came. The nurse was shocked...all of the monitors showed that I was having huge contractions brought on by the pitocin, but I had absolutely no pain. She kept asking if I wanted to start my epidural, but I really felt no need. If I couldn't feel any pain, why start the epidural? Finally, at 7am, I decided that I should go ahead and get the epidural before the hospital staff switched over for the morning, so the anesthesiologist came in and gave me an epidural. It was somewhat painful, not at all as painful as I thought it would be, and the procedure lasted less than five minutes. Not bad at all!!
After that point, I was completely numb from the waist down. My legs were really warm and tingly and each felt like 1000 pounds. I couldn't pick up my legs to save my life, so for the rest of the morning I just laid there. It seemed like we were just waiting and waiting and waiting while the nurses came in to check on me every two hours. While we waited, R spent the time giving his family updates on how far along I was. Unfortunately none of his family could make it down to Indy. His parents were in Illinois for the weekend and his sisters and brother were all at work. I know that he was disappointed not to have any of his family there, but it was nice to not have a bunch of people just waiting around in the hospital. It's silly to have tons of people waiting around for the delivery. It was extremely boring and I was in no shape to be having visitors, what with the catheter and the constant pelvic exams...ughhh. But I am sure that at the moment, R would have liked some family to talk to or to pass the time with, other than me and my mom:) Lol!
Finally around 3:00pm, the nurse told me that she would like me to start pushing and I started freaking out! I didn't know how to push a baby out! The nurse just said to push like I was having a bowel movement, which was easier said than done, especially when half of my body was completely numb. Pushing was exhausting and I thought I was going to pass out from all the breathing crap they had me doing. Before I knew it, they were calling in the doctor, bringing in a baby warmer and a whole team of new nurses who I'd never seen were swarming around the room. Shortly after all the craziness though, Dr. Bell told me that I needed to really push as hard as I could because the baby's heartbeat was dropping during every contraction. At first I was in a daze and I didn't understand what she was talking about. All of the breathing and pushing had made me light-headed and I kept seeing black dots. But I tried to hone in on the noise that the monitors were making...while pushing I heard Ava's heartbeat drop off. That scared the snot out of me and I tried to listen to what the doctor was telling me. Dr. Bell was telling me that if I didn't push her out soon she was going to bring in a vacuum to get the baby, Ava was in distress. I swear I was half-way between consciousness and unconsciousness when I heard her say that, but I swore I would not let her attach a vacuum to my baby's skull, so I pushed as hard as I could. I felt like I was dreaming. The next thing I knew my belly collapsed, that's really the only feeling that I had, the feeling of being completely deflated and emptied. Ava was here:) They put her on my belly and all I could see was this little wet wiggly baby and then just as quickly as they had plopped her on top of me, they took her away. At that point, I think I blacked out because I don't remember anything after that until my mom said something along the lines of, "Don't let her see the baby". I looked around the room and realized that the nurses in the room had multiplied and most of them were around Ava. I couldn't see Ava, there were too many people blocking her. I looked at R, he looked calm. I looked at my mom, she looked a mess. I looked back at R and he told me everything's fine, so I knew it was fine. He said that she just has some fluid in her lungs but they are getting the fluid out and that she'll be fine.
After some moments of crazy hullabaloo, I was able to hold her. It was unbelievable, I thought I would recognize her or know her instantly, but I didn't, she was like this strange little creature that I didn't know and I was a little scared. I didn't feel like it was real. Everything felt like a dream. Then I don't remember what happened. But somehow Ava ended up in the nursery so that they could clean her and watch her breathing. A while after the epidural wore off I remember demanding to see her in the nursery. I got in a wheelchair and R wheeled me to the nursery and that's really the first time I remember seeing her. Really seeing her. She was under a bright lamp with only a diaper. She was the longest baby in the nursery and at that moment I had this overwhelming urge to hold her. I knew that she needed me. I was so upset to see her there without me. She looked lonely, she looked upset. I cried and cried and cried at the nursery window. I wanted my baby back. I was mad that they had taken her. The nurse came out and said that they were going to take her into the NICU to be monitored more closely because her breathing was really fast and irregular. I was so angry and overwhelmed with grief, I wanted her to be with me and I couldn't even imagine what she was going through. Was she lonely, did she think that I had abandoned her, was she looking for me? I was overwhelmed with sadness and this feeling of helplessness, it was awful:( I wanted her first moments of life to be with me, not under a bright light, not with a bunch of strangers. I just cried and cried when I got back to my hospital room. What an awful feeling:(
Around 12am I asked Roger to take me to the NICU to visit her. When we went to see her, I was happy to see that she looked really good, the nurse mentioned that her breathing might have been so fast because the lamp they had her under was too hot...are you kidding me?? Anyways, they wanted to keep her for a little longer just to watch her and make sure that everything was going well. Incidentally, the NICU nurse asked if I wanted to breastfeed Ava...I thought, sure?? We can try that! Well, as soon as I put Ava to my chest she grabbed my boob like a pirranha and bit down so hard I jumped out of my wheelchair! Then she wouldn't let go! The pain was incredible and I held back tears as the nurse tried to unlatch her and lo and behold I had a instant purple bruise on my boob! Ughhh...not how I had wanted to start breastfeeding! Lol!
Ava was released from the NICU at 3am on the 31st and I was beyond relieved! For the next two days, Roger and Ava and I just hung out. I enjoyed having nurses bring me every glass of water and meal...that was byfar the coolest thing ever:) I also enjoyed my first bath that morning which felt AWESOME! I hadn't slept since Thursday night, almost three days, but I was so enamored with this new little girl that I really didn't care. On Monday, November 1st, Ava had her first photoshoot. The pictures are beyond beautiful!!! We got our first round of shots before leaving the hospital and right before we left the doctors noted that Ava had slight jaundice and they wanted me to meet with her pediatrician by Wednesday to watch her bilirubin levels...at that point her levels were 12 and she had lost a bit of weight, she was 7 lbs and 7oz. We were finally able to leave the hospital around 7pm Monday night. What an amazing experience! :) :) :)
